Post by brigittassen on Jun 10, 2009 14:57:12 GMT -8
I have been married for two years, and have a beautiful baby boy. My husband is the sweetest tenderest most selfless man...
and his family is worse than the mafia. They do you a favor, you owe them the rest of your life. The only reason they're worse than the mafia is that there isn't enough money and cool Brooklyn accents to go with the bad attitudes.
He was raised to believe that his family is his life, and you do all in service to it. On top of that, his mother used both of her sons as surrogate husbands.
There was no actual physical sex (not even kissing) but he was invited to share her bed when he was deeply depressed at nineteen. His brother has it MUCH worse. Right now, my DH struggles with hating her, not wanting a relationship with her, and playing right into her manipulative traps.
Any other time, he is the sweetest most wonderful man. A good husband, a good father, pretty healthy in the sexual arena (meaning mental health) believe me, I know. I had a sex addiction, so I would notice.
But when his mother calls? He loses all semblance of logic and reason, and begins ranting back at her, and she just loves it. They play this awful game where she paints herself as Saint and Martyr all for him, and he tries to tear her down. Then she gets to say what an awful son he is. It's so twisted.
And this isn't some new thing, he's always tried to do this to her when she gets manipulative. It's like he's fifteen again. (there is so much more than this. She kept him sick for years- she told his doctors he was depressed and got them to write prescriptions for psych drugs that wrecked him so bad he spent years in and out of psych wards. the worst of which was the year she invited him to sleep in her bed. Her other son has deified her.)
We've talked about it, but on this issue, my husband will not budge- I have talked to him in every way I know how. He forgets everything I said- I like to try and recap any discussion with one person saying back to the other what they talked about. He honestly can't tell me. He guesses.
I need to know how to love him, and how to continue with this. He does not see what I do, which I've noticed among these threads. They just don't see it, do they?
and his family is worse than the mafia. They do you a favor, you owe them the rest of your life. The only reason they're worse than the mafia is that there isn't enough money and cool Brooklyn accents to go with the bad attitudes.
He was raised to believe that his family is his life, and you do all in service to it. On top of that, his mother used both of her sons as surrogate husbands.
There was no actual physical sex (not even kissing) but he was invited to share her bed when he was deeply depressed at nineteen. His brother has it MUCH worse. Right now, my DH struggles with hating her, not wanting a relationship with her, and playing right into her manipulative traps.
Any other time, he is the sweetest most wonderful man. A good husband, a good father, pretty healthy in the sexual arena (meaning mental health) believe me, I know. I had a sex addiction, so I would notice.
But when his mother calls? He loses all semblance of logic and reason, and begins ranting back at her, and she just loves it. They play this awful game where she paints herself as Saint and Martyr all for him, and he tries to tear her down. Then she gets to say what an awful son he is. It's so twisted.
And this isn't some new thing, he's always tried to do this to her when she gets manipulative. It's like he's fifteen again. (there is so much more than this. She kept him sick for years- she told his doctors he was depressed and got them to write prescriptions for psych drugs that wrecked him so bad he spent years in and out of psych wards. the worst of which was the year she invited him to sleep in her bed. Her other son has deified her.)
We've talked about it, but on this issue, my husband will not budge- I have talked to him in every way I know how. He forgets everything I said- I like to try and recap any discussion with one person saying back to the other what they talked about. He honestly can't tell me. He guesses.
I need to know how to love him, and how to continue with this. He does not see what I do, which I've noticed among these threads. They just don't see it, do they?
