Post by beluga on Jun 7, 2009 18:55:33 GMT -8
To whom it may concern,
Let me first start off by saying that I am no longer with my fiancé for the exact topic of this website: covert incest. So why am I here? Well, I believe it to be therapeutic to be able to put in words the exact situation of what I've been living for the past year, under the cloak of anonymity of course, to get also some feedback from peers and see what you all think of my situation.
It all began a year ago, when i first started dating this girl. We were perfect for each. It was love at first sight and things were amazing. I know, I know, so goes the honeymoon period, but between us, things were always pretty good.
During the first couple of months, her father was away on "business", so basically, I didn't know him. However, she kept on insisting on the day that I would meet him and how I would like him and vice versa. She also mentioned to me that all previsous guys in her life weren't up to snuff for her Daddy, ergo, why she wasn't no longer with them.
A bit of context, she was 27 and a virgin when I met her and well let's say that I was her 1st... I always wondered why she was still a virgin at 27...(now I get why)...
Anyways, Daddy arrived from his trip to me in the house, the big introduction. The first conversation I had alone with him he just told me that "he's a humble guy that hangs with lawyers, doctors, etc. and doesn't make class distinctions" At this point, I realized he had a complex and was going to be a problem.
My first problem with Daddy was when he gave her a "sex talk". I found it abit odd that he was the one to have this talk but to get back to the point, I only found out of the sex talk after she "went cold" on me for a couple of weeks and I confronted her on this, by asking her "who got to you".She confessed that it was Daddy. Again, I knew he was going to be a problem.
More time went by more I noticed that he was overly affectionate with her and she reciprocated. She used to sit next to hima the dinner table, etc., sit next to him on the sofa rather than me, you get the picture.
One time, we went to a wedding. He in front of others, said tat he keeps me in line because of the guns he has, he being a hunter and all. I smiled and let it go.
I was upset and got drunk and was joking around. I even took her out to the dance floor and kissed her in front of everyone ( I knew this grinded his gears). The next day, he spoke to her and told her his displeasure of my behaviour. I knew that this was all a pretext; The real problem was that he was been "replaced" in the heart of his daughter. I had to apologize to her Daddy or the relationship was over; mind you, the argument only began after HE talked to her, not before, hence the problem didn't originate from him.
Generally, I felt his behaviour to be more of a possesive bf rather than a father. He used to wink in my direction when kissing her and other things.
I remember confronting her on the subject of her placing me first in her heart and she brushed it off saying that the love she had for me and her Daddy was compatible and not contradictory; I never bought it. Why? I'll explain.
I got engaged to her, and asked her hand in mariage to her father, so I but the bullet. I hoped things were to get better they only got worse.
He started to micromanage our lives. He wanted to chose our house; plan our wedding; I confronted her on it all and said that just like she wanted someone to stand by her ( a trait from her father, should have known) I wanted someone to defend me. Daddy was controlling our lives and I wasn't gonna take it. She said that I was overreacting. I was pissed that she was so dismissive with this problem.
The family dynamics were bad: They were antisemitic because of laziness and jealousy, even though they has family thorugh marriage that were Jewish; They talk bad about alot of people and frequented them regularly; Daddy and Mommy were enstranged: both would talk bad to one another to me;
One night, Mother's day, I couldn't take it anymore and spoke freely; i knew this was going to upset her Daddy but I could take it anymore. The dude was all affectionate, sthingying on the couch in front of me at his house with MY fiancé, and he keeped her poor and debt ridden when he was planning vacations. He acted all loving towards her, but in my view, didn't love her enough to free her from her burdens and didn't want to help out financially with the wedding.
So, I confronted him on the fact that saying I love you wasn't enough and you had to show it with actions and taking care of your family. At this point, he knew that I could see through his emotional manipulation of his daughter. Furthermore, I indirectly spoke of conversations they had about people in front of the same people, which embarassed them and demonstrated their dysfunctionality.
The next day we broke it off. Initially, I took it bad because I loved her. Months went by and I realized that I did indeed love her, but she didn't love me. She loved her Daddy and I would always come second to daddy;
I remember once referring to the fact, indirectly of course, that parents must step aside just like there is a succession in royalty and quoted the famous british saying: "the king is dead, long live the king!" The look of terror on his face that day, I really don't think he got the expression, but he took it as a threat probably.
Bottom line: I believe that I am a partner who was with a victim of emotional incest. Her Father had screwed up his relationship, via neglect with her mother and he reverted back to his daughter. He could not lose her because then he would be left with a woman a partner that he had abandoned for years (whether through traval, hunting and fishing trips i.e.selfishness). Hence, he could not lose his daughter.
What Is clear is that I blame him. Its his fault. She's just a victim, a girl who will never be allowed to love and live and have her own life and opinions because Daddy cannot let go.
The worst part about emotional incest is that the victims seldomly get help because they confuse parental control for love...
I am sad I'm no longer with her, but I couldn't stand being #2 in her heart.
My sympathy goes out to all you that, like I hoped that commitment makes things better; it makes things worse. I was fortune to get out before It was too late...
Mr. Beluga
Let me first start off by saying that I am no longer with my fiancé for the exact topic of this website: covert incest. So why am I here? Well, I believe it to be therapeutic to be able to put in words the exact situation of what I've been living for the past year, under the cloak of anonymity of course, to get also some feedback from peers and see what you all think of my situation.
It all began a year ago, when i first started dating this girl. We were perfect for each. It was love at first sight and things were amazing. I know, I know, so goes the honeymoon period, but between us, things were always pretty good.
During the first couple of months, her father was away on "business", so basically, I didn't know him. However, she kept on insisting on the day that I would meet him and how I would like him and vice versa. She also mentioned to me that all previsous guys in her life weren't up to snuff for her Daddy, ergo, why she wasn't no longer with them.
A bit of context, she was 27 and a virgin when I met her and well let's say that I was her 1st... I always wondered why she was still a virgin at 27...(now I get why)...
Anyways, Daddy arrived from his trip to me in the house, the big introduction. The first conversation I had alone with him he just told me that "he's a humble guy that hangs with lawyers, doctors, etc. and doesn't make class distinctions" At this point, I realized he had a complex and was going to be a problem.
My first problem with Daddy was when he gave her a "sex talk". I found it abit odd that he was the one to have this talk but to get back to the point, I only found out of the sex talk after she "went cold" on me for a couple of weeks and I confronted her on this, by asking her "who got to you".She confessed that it was Daddy. Again, I knew he was going to be a problem.
More time went by more I noticed that he was overly affectionate with her and she reciprocated. She used to sit next to hima the dinner table, etc., sit next to him on the sofa rather than me, you get the picture.
One time, we went to a wedding. He in front of others, said tat he keeps me in line because of the guns he has, he being a hunter and all. I smiled and let it go.
I was upset and got drunk and was joking around. I even took her out to the dance floor and kissed her in front of everyone ( I knew this grinded his gears). The next day, he spoke to her and told her his displeasure of my behaviour. I knew that this was all a pretext; The real problem was that he was been "replaced" in the heart of his daughter. I had to apologize to her Daddy or the relationship was over; mind you, the argument only began after HE talked to her, not before, hence the problem didn't originate from him.
Generally, I felt his behaviour to be more of a possesive bf rather than a father. He used to wink in my direction when kissing her and other things.
I remember confronting her on the subject of her placing me first in her heart and she brushed it off saying that the love she had for me and her Daddy was compatible and not contradictory; I never bought it. Why? I'll explain.
I got engaged to her, and asked her hand in mariage to her father, so I but the bullet. I hoped things were to get better they only got worse.
He started to micromanage our lives. He wanted to chose our house; plan our wedding; I confronted her on it all and said that just like she wanted someone to stand by her ( a trait from her father, should have known) I wanted someone to defend me. Daddy was controlling our lives and I wasn't gonna take it. She said that I was overreacting. I was pissed that she was so dismissive with this problem.
The family dynamics were bad: They were antisemitic because of laziness and jealousy, even though they has family thorugh marriage that were Jewish; They talk bad about alot of people and frequented them regularly; Daddy and Mommy were enstranged: both would talk bad to one another to me;
One night, Mother's day, I couldn't take it anymore and spoke freely; i knew this was going to upset her Daddy but I could take it anymore. The dude was all affectionate, sthingying on the couch in front of me at his house with MY fiancé, and he keeped her poor and debt ridden when he was planning vacations. He acted all loving towards her, but in my view, didn't love her enough to free her from her burdens and didn't want to help out financially with the wedding.
So, I confronted him on the fact that saying I love you wasn't enough and you had to show it with actions and taking care of your family. At this point, he knew that I could see through his emotional manipulation of his daughter. Furthermore, I indirectly spoke of conversations they had about people in front of the same people, which embarassed them and demonstrated their dysfunctionality.
The next day we broke it off. Initially, I took it bad because I loved her. Months went by and I realized that I did indeed love her, but she didn't love me. She loved her Daddy and I would always come second to daddy;
I remember once referring to the fact, indirectly of course, that parents must step aside just like there is a succession in royalty and quoted the famous british saying: "the king is dead, long live the king!" The look of terror on his face that day, I really don't think he got the expression, but he took it as a threat probably.
Bottom line: I believe that I am a partner who was with a victim of emotional incest. Her Father had screwed up his relationship, via neglect with her mother and he reverted back to his daughter. He could not lose her because then he would be left with a woman a partner that he had abandoned for years (whether through traval, hunting and fishing trips i.e.selfishness). Hence, he could not lose his daughter.
What Is clear is that I blame him. Its his fault. She's just a victim, a girl who will never be allowed to love and live and have her own life and opinions because Daddy cannot let go.
The worst part about emotional incest is that the victims seldomly get help because they confuse parental control for love...
I am sad I'm no longer with her, but I couldn't stand being #2 in her heart.
My sympathy goes out to all you that, like I hoped that commitment makes things better; it makes things worse. I was fortune to get out before It was too late...
Mr. Beluga
