Post by rax on Jan 29, 2009 3:42:31 GMT -8
Hi. Since becoming a stepfather to three kids more than three years ago, I've becoming increasingly troubled by their relationship with their biological father. The custody arrangement allows him to have them every weekend. They have increasingly complained about his anger and constant dishonesty but when he comes to pick them up they are cheering and hanging all over him. When I ask why their actions and their words don't mesh they say they have to act that way, "so he doesn't get suspicious." They seem obviously afraid of him, but on the other hand, he showers them with gifts, acts like a big kid rather than a parent, refuses to discipline, undermines our rules and tells them his devotion to them will not allow him to remarry. He tells them he thinks of them every waking second and that they are his only reason to live. He terrorizes them with horror stories about his perceived deteriorating health and brings to their attention stories in the news about murder, war and other violence, which often involves children. When he is ill he demands that at least one of them comes over and attends to him and when they are staying with him from what I understand demands they sleep with him in his bed. My wife tells me when she was married to him she always felt that she was sharing her spouse with his mother.
Since we've been married we've seen episodes of sleepwalking and night terrors with the middle child and now the youngest refuses to sleep in her room, telling us she is afraid someone is going to come in the house and kidnap her. She will not go to sleep unless I stay in the room until she falls asleep. She says she has seen a ghost at her father's house. We hesitate taking their father to court to reduce his custody because while all three will complain about him, he knows how to push their buttons and I fear they will rush to his defense and not be truthful with counselors, lawyers or judges.
I haven't a clue what to do about it. I've even suggest to him that there was a need to have family counseling and he has flat out refused. We feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. We hate seeing them go through what they are going through but we don't seem to have a lot of options to deal with it. Any suggestions?
Since we've been married we've seen episodes of sleepwalking and night terrors with the middle child and now the youngest refuses to sleep in her room, telling us she is afraid someone is going to come in the house and kidnap her. She will not go to sleep unless I stay in the room until she falls asleep. She says she has seen a ghost at her father's house. We hesitate taking their father to court to reduce his custody because while all three will complain about him, he knows how to push their buttons and I fear they will rush to his defense and not be truthful with counselors, lawyers or judges.
I haven't a clue what to do about it. I've even suggest to him that there was a need to have family counseling and he has flat out refused. We feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. We hate seeing them go through what they are going through but we don't seem to have a lot of options to deal with it. Any suggestions?