Post by john on Sept 30, 2008 19:04:36 GMT -8
Just found this site after search web to find ways that might help explain my perceptions about what is happening in my family. I think my wife of two years and step-son (a teen-ager) have been in a covert incest relationship for a long time. Both are attached to one another and spend a lot of time together either affectionately or engaged in rageful arguments that have no end. I cannot intervene without being attacked by both. The teen seeks his mother for all things and they make agreements without my knowledge or participation. The result is that I participate less and less in famliy life. Even now they are fighting outside my closed door..and both have told me to stay out of their fight. It will end by the teen crying and sobbing in a tanturm. The teen is nearly completely dependent on his mother and really doesn't function well socially with peers or in social situations. He still sucks his thumb at night and during the day while at home or sometimes absent mindedly in public. At first his mother and I thought the teen may have ADHD (and he might) and a lot of anxiety--but now I am wondering if a lot of the anxiety and other behaviors are not related to his dependence and enmeshment with his mother.
My wife and I have been to counseling and the topic of over-engagement and enmeshment has been raised (by me), and was acknowledged as an issue. But as our son approaches puberty the enmeshment seems to deepen and vacilate between adoration and extreme anger.
I'm feeling increasingly isolated and angy at both of them in this situation and can't figure out a way of entry.
My wife and I have been to counseling and the topic of over-engagement and enmeshment has been raised (by me), and was acknowledged as an issue. But as our son approaches puberty the enmeshment seems to deepen and vacilate between adoration and extreme anger.
I'm feeling increasingly isolated and angy at both of them in this situation and can't figure out a way of entry.