Post by amazed on Dec 6, 2005 15:09:34 GMT -8
I've been searching for information about my DH/MIL relationship for about a year, but could never find anything until today. Finally, I've found it!
I've read a few posts on the I Hate My In-Laws site, but it never really addressed the situation. Their relationship was much sicker.
Anyway, I've known my DH for about eight years. We were co-workers. Immediately, MIL went to where we worked to meet me. Right away, I've should have known something was strange. I didn't know DH even liked me. We weren't even dating!
Well, once we started going out and I formally met her, once again, red flags should have gone up! DH had an odd way of rubbing her lower back and MIL talked like a little baby girl to him. Just weird. Quite frankly, I wasn't that into DH at the time and didn't pay much attention.
Eventually, we married and had a child. Deep down we must have known MIL would be trouble because we eloped.
FIL had neuro-degenerative disease. DH was at the house almost on a daily basis, usually for about eight hours or more at a time. There was always some sort of "chore" that he needed to do there. All the things he did for her, not to mention the money that he gave her and not once did she say "thank you!"
If DH went to MILs only four times a week I was expected to consider this as an honor. He would be at MIL'S on MY birthday, on our anniversary, all holidays.
At first I went with DH. I quickly learned that was a huge mistake. Everything that I said or did would be twisted - behind my back, of course. Also, MIL is a huge pothead. I believe she also used this as a carrot to my DH. Feed him drugs, you know?
Well, since I had a child to worry about I found all this behavior unacceptable and stopped going to MIL's.
Through all of this, MIL presented herself as a VERY upstanding citizen and "tsk,tsk'ed" anything I did. It was almost like because I was NOT a pothead I was a loser. Talk about turning the tables!
Two years ago, FIL died. Immediately, DH ramped up the situation. Suddenly, DH was at MIL's for DAYS. He started sleeping over there. He even went on a double "date" with DH/MIL and SIL and her husband - to the drive-in!
I really wasn't in a position to put my foot down, but I did anyway. I had enough.
DH stayed away for a couple of months. Lo and behold, when he finally sneaks over to MIL's, she is nowhere to be found. MIL has taken to hunting men in the bar room!
First, she started stalking a guy the same age as DH. She eventually ran him out of state. Last I heard, she was dating a guy 25 years younger and four years younger than DH. DH reports that he seems to be slightly autistic with an obsessive/compulsive disorder.
We've only seen her a couple of times a year since FIL died.
We moved a 1,000 miles away from her just three months ago. Still, DH still acts completely obsessed by MIL. It makes me wonder who is actually sicker. When I REALLY think about it, at least MIL left DH alone once FIL died. Of course, she really had no use for him anymore. It's like she just threw him away like the trash.
I live in constant fear that MIL or SIL will suddenly appear on my doorstep. I think that very little is discussed about the partners involved in these relationships. I have had a very hard life but this situation has been VERY difficult.
I wish that this board was more active. I simply can't afford counseling. However, it is great to know that I am not alone. Hopefully, writing this down - for the first time, ever - will be cathartic.
Thanks!
I've read a few posts on the I Hate My In-Laws site, but it never really addressed the situation. Their relationship was much sicker.
Anyway, I've known my DH for about eight years. We were co-workers. Immediately, MIL went to where we worked to meet me. Right away, I've should have known something was strange. I didn't know DH even liked me. We weren't even dating!
Well, once we started going out and I formally met her, once again, red flags should have gone up! DH had an odd way of rubbing her lower back and MIL talked like a little baby girl to him. Just weird. Quite frankly, I wasn't that into DH at the time and didn't pay much attention.
Eventually, we married and had a child. Deep down we must have known MIL would be trouble because we eloped.
FIL had neuro-degenerative disease. DH was at the house almost on a daily basis, usually for about eight hours or more at a time. There was always some sort of "chore" that he needed to do there. All the things he did for her, not to mention the money that he gave her and not once did she say "thank you!"
If DH went to MILs only four times a week I was expected to consider this as an honor. He would be at MIL'S on MY birthday, on our anniversary, all holidays.
At first I went with DH. I quickly learned that was a huge mistake. Everything that I said or did would be twisted - behind my back, of course. Also, MIL is a huge pothead. I believe she also used this as a carrot to my DH. Feed him drugs, you know?
Well, since I had a child to worry about I found all this behavior unacceptable and stopped going to MIL's.
Through all of this, MIL presented herself as a VERY upstanding citizen and "tsk,tsk'ed" anything I did. It was almost like because I was NOT a pothead I was a loser. Talk about turning the tables!
Two years ago, FIL died. Immediately, DH ramped up the situation. Suddenly, DH was at MIL's for DAYS. He started sleeping over there. He even went on a double "date" with DH/MIL and SIL and her husband - to the drive-in!
I really wasn't in a position to put my foot down, but I did anyway. I had enough.
DH stayed away for a couple of months. Lo and behold, when he finally sneaks over to MIL's, she is nowhere to be found. MIL has taken to hunting men in the bar room!
First, she started stalking a guy the same age as DH. She eventually ran him out of state. Last I heard, she was dating a guy 25 years younger and four years younger than DH. DH reports that he seems to be slightly autistic with an obsessive/compulsive disorder.
We've only seen her a couple of times a year since FIL died.
We moved a 1,000 miles away from her just three months ago. Still, DH still acts completely obsessed by MIL. It makes me wonder who is actually sicker. When I REALLY think about it, at least MIL left DH alone once FIL died. Of course, she really had no use for him anymore. It's like she just threw him away like the trash.
I live in constant fear that MIL or SIL will suddenly appear on my doorstep. I think that very little is discussed about the partners involved in these relationships. I have had a very hard life but this situation has been VERY difficult.
I wish that this board was more active. I simply can't afford counseling. However, it is great to know that I am not alone. Hopefully, writing this down - for the first time, ever - will be cathartic.
Thanks!
