Post by spring on Aug 15, 2006 9:32:44 GMT -8
We have known to be cautious of DH's relationship with his Mom since soon after we were married--I guess I knew before. We went through some counceling after we were married that brought my concerns about DH's relationship with his Mom to the surface, and things got better. I have felt much less threatened the more I have felt secure in our relationship. But, things are getting out of control in MIL's life, so things are flaring up again.
MIL and her husband are not doing well--she seems to be having paranoid delusions that his co-workers are breaking into her computer to get access to her financial information--this was concluded because the password on her cell phone account was changed and credit reports were requested. She came home to find the front and back doors opened and a baseball bat and black blouse were apparently the only thing missing, and concluded that her husband had come home and "broken into" the house himseld, apparently to scare her. She's had a criminal background check done on a woman whom she believes to be trying to engage her husband in some sort of con--something to do with selling some property and other assets. She also suspects this woman is trying to have an affair with her husband--or maybe she thinks is happenin alreadyg, I'm not sure.
DH told her she needs to see a councelor. She says she did and the councelor told her to 1) cut her losses with her husband and get out, and 2) call her sons for help. She's using the first as an excuse not to go to counceling, because her morals won't allow her to divorce her husband, so she's morally superior to the Dr.s (although I serisously doubt she actually received this advice). And, she's using the second as an excuse to draw in her son to "rescue" her. She's used that term before, actually saying to me "I need him to save my marriage."
So, what to do? DH is understandably worried about his Mom, but I think he's drawn into her paranoia--more worried that she is in fact under some threat, rather than worried that she's mentally ill and needs counceling. He wants her to get councelling, but is struggling with wanting to help her get some, or what else to do to help. I know what I think, but I don't want to control his responses either--I want to see him take charge of the situation--protect himself, protect our marriage. I guess I'm wondering what to do as well. I encouraged him to talk to his sibling openly about it. He's worried they will think bad things about their Mom if they hear all this--again protecting her. I've said he should not research councelors for her--she needs to do this on her own.
What do you guys think?
MIL and her husband are not doing well--she seems to be having paranoid delusions that his co-workers are breaking into her computer to get access to her financial information--this was concluded because the password on her cell phone account was changed and credit reports were requested. She came home to find the front and back doors opened and a baseball bat and black blouse were apparently the only thing missing, and concluded that her husband had come home and "broken into" the house himseld, apparently to scare her. She's had a criminal background check done on a woman whom she believes to be trying to engage her husband in some sort of con--something to do with selling some property and other assets. She also suspects this woman is trying to have an affair with her husband--or maybe she thinks is happenin alreadyg, I'm not sure.
DH told her she needs to see a councelor. She says she did and the councelor told her to 1) cut her losses with her husband and get out, and 2) call her sons for help. She's using the first as an excuse not to go to counceling, because her morals won't allow her to divorce her husband, so she's morally superior to the Dr.s (although I serisously doubt she actually received this advice). And, she's using the second as an excuse to draw in her son to "rescue" her. She's used that term before, actually saying to me "I need him to save my marriage."
So, what to do? DH is understandably worried about his Mom, but I think he's drawn into her paranoia--more worried that she is in fact under some threat, rather than worried that she's mentally ill and needs counceling. He wants her to get councelling, but is struggling with wanting to help her get some, or what else to do to help. I know what I think, but I don't want to control his responses either--I want to see him take charge of the situation--protect himself, protect our marriage. I guess I'm wondering what to do as well. I encouraged him to talk to his sibling openly about it. He's worried they will think bad things about their Mom if they hear all this--again protecting her. I've said he should not research councelors for her--she needs to do this on her own.
What do you guys think?