Post by violet on Jul 3, 2006 6:11:23 GMT -8
I have been married for close to twelve years. My MIL and DH have/had a covertly incestuous relationship. To give you background information, my MIL has been married and divorced three times and still constantly seeks ways to worm her way back in to H's life and be "the queen". We cut her off for a while because she was so nasty to me (I was her competition). She called to apologize for her behavior when she divorced her third husband (due to his adultery). I accepted her apology. Things seemed to go well at first, then her true colors started to show. I have so many questions and so many frustrations.
H's family (on MIL's side) never treated DH like he was supposed to have a life of his own. It was his responsibility to maintain his mother's happiness. I was regarded as the "interloper" by his mother and the family on their "special" relationship.
When DH and I had our first child, MIL took him over almost as replacement for DH. MIL has limited contact with my children because of things that she did that crossed the line that has forever impacted my oldest son. I have done my best to teach my children modesty. My MIL did her best to erode that. When my son was born, she would gleefully get the camera out and proceed to take as many full frontal nudity shots as she could of my son. When he would stay at her house, nudity seemed to be encouraged as "entertainment". She had a pool, she would take pictures of my son urinating in rocks because she thought it was "cute". When I voiced my dissent to my husband, I was told that I was too sensitive and this is what grandparents did. Okay, so grandparents exploit their children for their amusement? This spring, I took my children to see MIL supervised (she wanted to get them unsupervised). When we returned home, my oldest son started to regress. He started pulling down his pants and urinating outside instead of coming in the house. He started to crawl (on all fours) from his room to the bathroom naked from the waist down to where he was exposed. He also tried to "feel up" his brother. I am so embarrassed and worried. I don't know where to start. I have asked my son if anything happened to him when he went to MIL's house. He emphatically denies it every time. The scary part? He loves MIL to death. Upon a return from visiting her (he was four at the time), he told me that he didn't love me anymore and that I wasn't his mother (MIL was). Since that time, even with limited visits, our relationship has been rocky. Even when I was pregnant, she and DH acted like oldest son was THEIR baby-I was just the womb donor.
DH? Well, he shows a great deal of resentment towards her. We have been to counseling and it has helped a great deal to show him how UNHEALTHY his relationship with his mother was. However, when she does come around, DH regresses to the age of eight. It's a scary process to watch. He also gets really hateful with me in her presence. Why does he do that? I asked him why. He said that he is stressed by her visit. But why take it out on me?
Thanks for listening...........
H's family (on MIL's side) never treated DH like he was supposed to have a life of his own. It was his responsibility to maintain his mother's happiness. I was regarded as the "interloper" by his mother and the family on their "special" relationship.
When DH and I had our first child, MIL took him over almost as replacement for DH. MIL has limited contact with my children because of things that she did that crossed the line that has forever impacted my oldest son. I have done my best to teach my children modesty. My MIL did her best to erode that. When my son was born, she would gleefully get the camera out and proceed to take as many full frontal nudity shots as she could of my son. When he would stay at her house, nudity seemed to be encouraged as "entertainment". She had a pool, she would take pictures of my son urinating in rocks because she thought it was "cute". When I voiced my dissent to my husband, I was told that I was too sensitive and this is what grandparents did. Okay, so grandparents exploit their children for their amusement? This spring, I took my children to see MIL supervised (she wanted to get them unsupervised). When we returned home, my oldest son started to regress. He started pulling down his pants and urinating outside instead of coming in the house. He started to crawl (on all fours) from his room to the bathroom naked from the waist down to where he was exposed. He also tried to "feel up" his brother. I am so embarrassed and worried. I don't know where to start. I have asked my son if anything happened to him when he went to MIL's house. He emphatically denies it every time. The scary part? He loves MIL to death. Upon a return from visiting her (he was four at the time), he told me that he didn't love me anymore and that I wasn't his mother (MIL was). Since that time, even with limited visits, our relationship has been rocky. Even when I was pregnant, she and DH acted like oldest son was THEIR baby-I was just the womb donor.
DH? Well, he shows a great deal of resentment towards her. We have been to counseling and it has helped a great deal to show him how UNHEALTHY his relationship with his mother was. However, when she does come around, DH regresses to the age of eight. It's a scary process to watch. He also gets really hateful with me in her presence. Why does he do that? I asked him why. He said that he is stressed by her visit. But why take it out on me?
Thanks for listening...........