Post by kokomo on Jan 16, 2006 18:28:19 GMT -8
Hi.
I stumbled upon this site due to concerns for the safety of my own children. I am the ex-husband of a woman who was molested by her father. He also abused her sister. My ex has never been to counselling regarding this issue. The abuse only stopped because his wife caught him. He was never turned in or counselled. It was just kept as one of those family secrets.
Over the years she has kept this person in her life. We always disagreed (putting it mildly) about the fact that I hated this guy. Fortunately they live across country from us. But whenever we or they visited it was nothing but chaos and mayhem between her and I. As the years passed I just dealt with it by attempting to be civil when we were around him. Then children came into our lives.
She felt it was important that they know their grandparents, and I went along with her to keep the peace. Whenever the grandparents visited I was 100% vigilant. The issue now is the fact that due to divorce I am no longer able to watch this dirtbag. It all came to a head a few months ago when she took the kids to visit them. Her original plan was to stay in the same house with her father (and stepmom). When I told her that I was not comfortable with this she went through the roof. It ended up that I had to threaten her with telling the kids about their grandfather, or taking it into the courts. She gave in after that.
This all leads me to a few thoughts:
Out of respect for her I never wanted to include any of her father's issues in our divorce proceedings. I'm thinking now that I should have.
I don't think this is a secret that should be kept from my daughters (early teens) any longer. I'm concerned about what kind of message it will send them should they find out later in life.
I wonder how much power he still has over her due to the fact that she considered keeping our children in the same house as this guy.
Any thoughts, advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. If I am in the wrong forum for this type of posting please feel free to point me in the right direction.
Thank you.
I stumbled upon this site due to concerns for the safety of my own children. I am the ex-husband of a woman who was molested by her father. He also abused her sister. My ex has never been to counselling regarding this issue. The abuse only stopped because his wife caught him. He was never turned in or counselled. It was just kept as one of those family secrets.
Over the years she has kept this person in her life. We always disagreed (putting it mildly) about the fact that I hated this guy. Fortunately they live across country from us. But whenever we or they visited it was nothing but chaos and mayhem between her and I. As the years passed I just dealt with it by attempting to be civil when we were around him. Then children came into our lives.
She felt it was important that they know their grandparents, and I went along with her to keep the peace. Whenever the grandparents visited I was 100% vigilant. The issue now is the fact that due to divorce I am no longer able to watch this dirtbag. It all came to a head a few months ago when she took the kids to visit them. Her original plan was to stay in the same house with her father (and stepmom). When I told her that I was not comfortable with this she went through the roof. It ended up that I had to threaten her with telling the kids about their grandfather, or taking it into the courts. She gave in after that.
This all leads me to a few thoughts:
Out of respect for her I never wanted to include any of her father's issues in our divorce proceedings. I'm thinking now that I should have.
I don't think this is a secret that should be kept from my daughters (early teens) any longer. I'm concerned about what kind of message it will send them should they find out later in life.
I wonder how much power he still has over her due to the fact that she considered keeping our children in the same house as this guy.
Any thoughts, advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. If I am in the wrong forum for this type of posting please feel free to point me in the right direction.
Thank you.