Post by ccjj on Nov 15, 2007 21:26:15 GMT -8
First of all I have to say that I am so glad to have found a group that recognizes this issue. It has taken me two extremely difficult years to finally understand/figure out what is going on with my husband (obviously you've all experienced that). It has all been surreal and overwhelming most of the time. Amazingly, he attended several marriage intervention programs and all were very positive experiences but he could never seem to get past one week after it was over before old ways (or his real self) reemerged. This point is the worst yet as he has "dismissed" me for two weeks now. It may be because for the first time in our marriage, I am not groveling and telling him his rage or stonewalling was MY fault because I ?? whatever I could think of. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know what to do. I'm working on my PhD and have two young children and can't afford to live alone right now. I thought of a roommate situation but it is so painful seeing him. The disconnection hurts so bad, but for the first time ever, I am not letting him know that. Is that good or bad? I feel so bad for him for what he's going through, but I'm so scared that if I approach him with what I've found and think, he will rage and deny and he does very "evil" passive aggressive things when he wants "revenge". On the other hand, I cannot let my children live with someone like that as I fear it will get much worse as they get older. He has been more validating with them lately and I'd rather him treat them well than me if there has to be a choice. I think that's sort of sick in itself. I just want to find a good therapist close by who works with these kinds of issues so I can gain some inner strength and let go of whatever brought me to get involved with him. There are none around here at all.
I don't know what to do. I'm working on my PhD and have two young children and can't afford to live alone right now. I thought of a roommate situation but it is so painful seeing him. The disconnection hurts so bad, but for the first time ever, I am not letting him know that. Is that good or bad? I feel so bad for him for what he's going through, but I'm so scared that if I approach him with what I've found and think, he will rage and deny and he does very "evil" passive aggressive things when he wants "revenge". On the other hand, I cannot let my children live with someone like that as I fear it will get much worse as they get older. He has been more validating with them lately and I'd rather him treat them well than me if there has to be a choice. I think that's sort of sick in itself. I just want to find a good therapist close by who works with these kinds of issues so I can gain some inner strength and let go of whatever brought me to get involved with him. There are none around here at all.