Thanks for setting up this partner list. After dilligently searching for 15 years as to what the problem was w/my husband, I finally had a term for it when I found the 2 books dealing with it. So nice to finally know I'm not crazy :-) Anyway, I'm just here to read and learn more.
Hi Nikki - thanks for opening up and posting here - things have been a little quiet recently but I would be thrilled to see the newer members posting so we can get this support forum going ! PLease feel free to share as much (or as little) as you wish. I hope you can recieve support and fellowship from the members of the board
Thanks for the welcome email Lucy. I understand about slow boards, I own one myself that is slow...course no complaints as I easily get 6,000 emails a month on other boards for parents of special needs kids...oh my!
Anyway, I got the 2 books and my hubby is doing really well with receiving them and reading them...seems to be blossoming and realizing things that weren't right. That said, I have been on this mission of trying to find out what was wrong for 15 years...ugh!!! We dated for 6 and have been married for 10, but really only after the first year I realized there were some real problems...only wish I had had some type of "disorder" name or words to use way back then.
I was out on the net doing another search trying to find the answers and bingo I guess I finally put in the right string and up came "emotional incest" and instantly I knew that was it! Goodness what a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders!!!! I felt renewed and affirmed and that I wasn't off my rocker with how I felt!
The thing w/EI is that it is so insidious!! When you take one specific circumstance, it seems so "nice" so "okay" ...like oh he's such a good boy taking care of his mom. How do you fight that w/o thinking maybe you are a crumb? But deep down you know something isn't right.
I had tried for years to talk to him and tell him things weren't good for him, things weren't normal...like you don't call your mom every day and see her every weekend. But alas, I really didn't get anywhere. And like the books say, they think they are "special" to have such a relationship and that they are so "caring" so they truly do not get it...which makes it so hard!!!!!
I thank God for those books...it was like so many of the pages were talking about him, it was so great to read and feel validated in my thoughts! I have at least 10 other books here that I have bought trying to help the guy and only found 2 that were somewhat on track, but never really getting to the point of learning about EI. One book was called Addicted to Love (helped me understand his seduction and abandonment of women) ...not an EI book but still helpful for me until I got these 2 other books and The Mom Factor which just touches the surface of an involved mom, but not to the depth that EI does.
Guess I have rambled on long enough. I sure understand everyone's pain out there...this stuff is just nuts! Wish no one had to go thru this on either side of it. It looks like my hubby is getting it...and hopefully he can truly knock this monster out of the ball park and live his life...not his mom's life.
Oh just for fun...here's one for the books. My MIL passed away about 1 and a half years ago. She instructed my hubby that she didn't want him to sell her house for a year...you know...basically keep it as a memorial of her. Thanks MIL...really loved how you cared about your son and his family and their need to get on w/their lives. So he wouldn't even move her shoes off of the spot that she left on the floor...very sick indeed...sigh...but hey we seem to be moving forward...and for that I am grateful.