Post by silverstar on Jan 27, 2006 10:48:52 GMT -8
I hope this posts cause last time I tried it wouldn't post the thread. My husband is an only child and victim of emotional incest. We've known it for about 3 years. I'll try to nutshell. Parents were divorced when he was very young and it was mostly he and mom. We grew up I a small town. His mom was always stylish and known for her beauty and used it to her advantage. No, not by having relations but just to the border, by being flirty etc. She always demanded near perfection from my husband as a child and dressed him in clothes that were considered “sissy”. She grew up kind of poor and she wanted to appear better than her upbringing. Husband was always made fun of in school as a momma’s boy by kids and teachers alike. I was appalled (didn’t tell him I felt that way) when he told me he used to go to the store and get her menstrual supplies etc. He just acted like it was normal among other things. I know she confided way more in him than she should have but to her, that was normal and ok. I am screaming inside saying, “No! It really wasn’t!”
We met as kids briefly but went to different schools. Did not meet back up until college. He went to live with his dad at the time because of an abusive and overly strict step-dad who had him in private school. We dated for a couple of years off and on. He went wild in college, unleashing all his rebellion against mom and step-dad. He ended up in a gay lifestyle for several years after, sleeping with countless men for the thrill of trying to fill some empty hole. Yes, he has been tested for HIV and miraculously, has always come out negative. After moving on in life, I married twice, having 3 boys. We met back up almost 6 years ago. He told me he had renounced his gay lifestyle sometime back. He was so thrilled to see me again and we started dating again. He was un-employed at the time; laid off and living on savings. Although I didn’t see all of it at the time, he was dealing with severe anxiety issues, some agoraphobia tendencies and I found out much later, a drug addiction to xanex. In fact, I never really knew the extent of a lot of his emotional sicknesses until after we married. He is working but calls in sick so much that I’m surprised he has not been fired. We sleep in separate rooms. Only had sex twice after we married but he still has a guy hang up. He rarely leaves home except to work or pick up the boys and the rest of the time, he is in his bed hiding from the world while the boys and I try to go on with a normal life (their dad, my 2nd, was abusive so I have full-custody). He says he loves me but he’s too busy being sick to spend time with me. A Dr. heavily controls his xanex use only dispensed once a week and if he’s out, cannot get early refills. He is supposed to be seeing a psychiatrist too but makes excuses why he can’t find time to go. That’s supposed to be part of the deal on getting to stay on the meds for anxiety. But the Dr. doesn’t know he does not go to counseling and he doesn’t follow up on that for my husband. When he did initially go to the psychiatrist, she knew he had a covert problem. He was gung ho at first but then almost stopped immediately and run from it ever since. That was 3 years ago. In the meantime, mom makes her demands on him and he resents it. If he doesn’t call her often enough, go to see her, then he is a selfish son who has his priorities all wrong. He is expected to run and see her every time she does something new to her house so he can make a fuss and give his opinion. He is in his 40’s and she still treats him like a little boy, scolding him when he doesn’t run his life to suit her or makes decisions that are his but hasn’t consulted her first. Truthfully, I think I am angrier with her right now than him. She would vehemently deny that she is the cause of most of his issues but she is. She would say he needs to grow up but she won’t let him. He won’t let himself. I am the primary breadwinner, insurance carrier, housekeeper etc. I feel like a single parent and wonder a lot why I am afraid to just leave?
We met as kids briefly but went to different schools. Did not meet back up until college. He went to live with his dad at the time because of an abusive and overly strict step-dad who had him in private school. We dated for a couple of years off and on. He went wild in college, unleashing all his rebellion against mom and step-dad. He ended up in a gay lifestyle for several years after, sleeping with countless men for the thrill of trying to fill some empty hole. Yes, he has been tested for HIV and miraculously, has always come out negative. After moving on in life, I married twice, having 3 boys. We met back up almost 6 years ago. He told me he had renounced his gay lifestyle sometime back. He was so thrilled to see me again and we started dating again. He was un-employed at the time; laid off and living on savings. Although I didn’t see all of it at the time, he was dealing with severe anxiety issues, some agoraphobia tendencies and I found out much later, a drug addiction to xanex. In fact, I never really knew the extent of a lot of his emotional sicknesses until after we married. He is working but calls in sick so much that I’m surprised he has not been fired. We sleep in separate rooms. Only had sex twice after we married but he still has a guy hang up. He rarely leaves home except to work or pick up the boys and the rest of the time, he is in his bed hiding from the world while the boys and I try to go on with a normal life (their dad, my 2nd, was abusive so I have full-custody). He says he loves me but he’s too busy being sick to spend time with me. A Dr. heavily controls his xanex use only dispensed once a week and if he’s out, cannot get early refills. He is supposed to be seeing a psychiatrist too but makes excuses why he can’t find time to go. That’s supposed to be part of the deal on getting to stay on the meds for anxiety. But the Dr. doesn’t know he does not go to counseling and he doesn’t follow up on that for my husband. When he did initially go to the psychiatrist, she knew he had a covert problem. He was gung ho at first but then almost stopped immediately and run from it ever since. That was 3 years ago. In the meantime, mom makes her demands on him and he resents it. If he doesn’t call her often enough, go to see her, then he is a selfish son who has his priorities all wrong. He is expected to run and see her every time she does something new to her house so he can make a fuss and give his opinion. He is in his 40’s and she still treats him like a little boy, scolding him when he doesn’t run his life to suit her or makes decisions that are his but hasn’t consulted her first. Truthfully, I think I am angrier with her right now than him. She would vehemently deny that she is the cause of most of his issues but she is. She would say he needs to grow up but she won’t let him. He won’t let himself. I am the primary breadwinner, insurance carrier, housekeeper etc. I feel like a single parent and wonder a lot why I am afraid to just leave?
