Post by fedup on Jul 15, 2006 5:41:59 GMT -8
Gosh, i have read some of the stories and I can relate. I have been married to dh for 7 years. Anyway, I have been dealing with this for 7year and I am at the point of wanting to get a divorce. I have been exasperated by the fact that I should give up my independence, my privacy, my personal boundaries because his stupid mother wants to play that role where she doesn't belong. Like when I wanted to take care of our own check book. MIL got mad and she was calling a lawyer. I will admit that dh and MIL toned down their crap in front of me and she was wrong to be bad about that but there have been things over the years, its still there. for a while, we could not have a family outing or vacation with MIL, and she and dh would buddy up and make me the third wheel. I was upset and I showed it. Well I got griped out by dh and MIL said I just ruin everything for them so dh came up with a perfect solution. MIL and dh will take the kids on a vacation alone with out me. AGGGGG! 
Well I gave him the what for. Well the latest happened is when my oldest daughter got sick, MIL was here and of course she wanted to be the nurturing mother blaaaa! I did cal the doc after a day (what I have been told to do) and she said its about time and then she told me all I should tell the doc and then she hops in the car with us and goes. Well, when we go to the pharmacy she starts asking questions which are really demands like "when did the pharmacist say to give it." If you give it now how long will it be until it takes effect." I just cut her off of her questions yelling I WILL GIVE IT WHEN I WANT TO. BACK OFF. Of course she goes and tells dh that I "yelled at her." and guess whose honer dh defends mommy. She is only being a grandmother, she is only trying to help blah blah blah. He said that I was sick, insanely jealous of he and stupid MIL and I need psychiatric help.
Then he said that because of me and my jealously he has not had a chance to fix MIL roof and now she is going to half to sell the farm in order to pay for a new house. I told him to tell mommy not to sell the farm that sonny boy is going home. DH says that he is not leaving he lives here and yes he did start fixing MIL roof. I told dh of emotional incest and the crap hit the fan. He and his mother are not in an incesterous relationship. Then he goes and tells mommy and mommy starts boo hoo hoo how could I say that about she and dh. Then she made it sound like I had accused the whole dang family of getting together for a big orgy. Also she told me that dh told her that I was insecure in the marriage and what has dh done to make me insecure. Then she said that she and dh were just close and I am just jealous because I have such an unloving family. Then she went on to say that someone had told Ross 7 years ago that me and Ross should get married because I did not know how to do anything. Funny she remembered that but she doesn't remember anything she ever did wrong. If I bring something up it's I don't remember that. Selective memory.
I am also so tired of having to live his life and give up my own. His passive aggressive, what he does is so much more important. He doesn't pick up after himself. I get cussed out when I ask him to take some of the load off me. He has not a clue on how to take care of an account. I feel like sometimes he hates me because I want him to grow up and take responsibility but life was so much easier when MIL took care of his responsibility and he could do no more than what he wanted. I am me his stinking mother.
There was a time last week in fact several times that i looked up a divorce lawyer and almost picked up the phone but did not get the nerve. We have 2 kids. Since I am insane and crazy i went to a therapist. She told me of a book called emotional incest syndrome by Patricia love and that I should read it. I asked why I am not the one in that relationship. Dh is and he won't acknowledge it. In fact if he sees that book laying around I get a cussing again and I don't want to deal with that right now. I am tired of trying to fix him. If I did not have these kids I would have left long time ago. I also worry if I did leave him would he turn to one of them the way his stupid mother turned to him. If anyone divorced with kids I would like some insight. Thanks.
Well I gave him the what for. Well the latest happened is when my oldest daughter got sick, MIL was here and of course she wanted to be the nurturing mother blaaaa! I did cal the doc after a day (what I have been told to do) and she said its about time and then she told me all I should tell the doc and then she hops in the car with us and goes. Well, when we go to the pharmacy she starts asking questions which are really demands like "when did the pharmacist say to give it." If you give it now how long will it be until it takes effect." I just cut her off of her questions yelling I WILL GIVE IT WHEN I WANT TO. BACK OFF. Of course she goes and tells dh that I "yelled at her." and guess whose honer dh defends mommy. She is only being a grandmother, she is only trying to help blah blah blah. He said that I was sick, insanely jealous of he and stupid MIL and I need psychiatric help.
Then he said that because of me and my jealously he has not had a chance to fix MIL roof and now she is going to half to sell the farm in order to pay for a new house. I told him to tell mommy not to sell the farm that sonny boy is going home. DH says that he is not leaving he lives here and yes he did start fixing MIL roof. I told dh of emotional incest and the crap hit the fan. He and his mother are not in an incesterous relationship. Then he goes and tells mommy and mommy starts boo hoo hoo how could I say that about she and dh. Then she made it sound like I had accused the whole dang family of getting together for a big orgy. Also she told me that dh told her that I was insecure in the marriage and what has dh done to make me insecure. Then she said that she and dh were just close and I am just jealous because I have such an unloving family. Then she went on to say that someone had told Ross 7 years ago that me and Ross should get married because I did not know how to do anything. Funny she remembered that but she doesn't remember anything she ever did wrong. If I bring something up it's I don't remember that. Selective memory.
I am also so tired of having to live his life and give up my own. His passive aggressive, what he does is so much more important. He doesn't pick up after himself. I get cussed out when I ask him to take some of the load off me. He has not a clue on how to take care of an account. I feel like sometimes he hates me because I want him to grow up and take responsibility but life was so much easier when MIL took care of his responsibility and he could do no more than what he wanted. I am me his stinking mother.
There was a time last week in fact several times that i looked up a divorce lawyer and almost picked up the phone but did not get the nerve. We have 2 kids. Since I am insane and crazy i went to a therapist. She told me of a book called emotional incest syndrome by Patricia love and that I should read it. I asked why I am not the one in that relationship. Dh is and he won't acknowledge it. In fact if he sees that book laying around I get a cussing again and I don't want to deal with that right now. I am tired of trying to fix him. If I did not have these kids I would have left long time ago. I also worry if I did leave him would he turn to one of them the way his stupid mother turned to him. If anyone divorced with kids I would like some insight. Thanks.