Post by silverstar on Jul 29, 2007 8:10:31 GMT -8
Hi,
I posted in Jan. 06 and told my story. It has taken a while but I am finally moving on. It is so hard. It hurts. DH and I do love each other but we cannot continue with things the way they have been. Hardly anything has changed since I posted a year and a half ago. I have issues I need to deal with personally as well, so that I can become a healthy contributor to this relationship and DH does too. I know that we cannot do that together in the same house. As much as it hurts to move away from someone I love, this is what is needed. I know he loves me but I had to be the stronger and say we need help. We all know we cannot help and save the ones we love from destruction, as much as we try and want to. We know it in our heads we cannot do this but sometimes, it takes a while for our hearts to accept the truth. MIL is still beating DH down emotionally and playing head games. I can only encourage him to seek help in setting boundries but in the end, he still has to find the strengh enough to do it. Had I not said I love you but I need to deal with my issues too and made the move to go forward on my own, I don't know that he would ever willingly moved forward to have the opportunity to get himself help. All I can do is hope he will but even if he doesn't, I have to accept the fact that it was never my place to rescue him from his mom, he has to rescue himself with assistance from a professional. It has been a volitile relationship with her. I too have to deal with my anger issues with her. She has taken a wonderful man and made his life something it should never have been. And she will never see or admit the harm/pain she has caused. I know sometimes, the victims don't always have the "tools" they need to move on or very little. That makes it harder to leave because I feel like I am failing him somehow but he and I both deserve to be healthy. Our marriage is not healthy in the way that it could or should be. It's not fair to him to meet my normal, healthy expectations of a marriage when he can't. Nor can I even ask him to if I don't deal with my co-dependency either. We may or may not ever get back together but if we stay, there will never be a chance to find out. Keep us in your prayers.
I posted in Jan. 06 and told my story. It has taken a while but I am finally moving on. It is so hard. It hurts. DH and I do love each other but we cannot continue with things the way they have been. Hardly anything has changed since I posted a year and a half ago. I have issues I need to deal with personally as well, so that I can become a healthy contributor to this relationship and DH does too. I know that we cannot do that together in the same house. As much as it hurts to move away from someone I love, this is what is needed. I know he loves me but I had to be the stronger and say we need help. We all know we cannot help and save the ones we love from destruction, as much as we try and want to. We know it in our heads we cannot do this but sometimes, it takes a while for our hearts to accept the truth. MIL is still beating DH down emotionally and playing head games. I can only encourage him to seek help in setting boundries but in the end, he still has to find the strengh enough to do it. Had I not said I love you but I need to deal with my issues too and made the move to go forward on my own, I don't know that he would ever willingly moved forward to have the opportunity to get himself help. All I can do is hope he will but even if he doesn't, I have to accept the fact that it was never my place to rescue him from his mom, he has to rescue himself with assistance from a professional. It has been a volitile relationship with her. I too have to deal with my anger issues with her. She has taken a wonderful man and made his life something it should never have been. And she will never see or admit the harm/pain she has caused. I know sometimes, the victims don't always have the "tools" they need to move on or very little. That makes it harder to leave because I feel like I am failing him somehow but he and I both deserve to be healthy. Our marriage is not healthy in the way that it could or should be. It's not fair to him to meet my normal, healthy expectations of a marriage when he can't. Nor can I even ask him to if I don't deal with my co-dependency either. We may or may not ever get back together but if we stay, there will never be a chance to find out. Keep us in your prayers.