Post by marie on Aug 21, 2006 0:00:11 GMT -8
Hi Everyone,
I just found this board tonight and believe that my husband may be a victim of Emotional Incest. I'm not positive but there are plenty of signs that point to it so I'd like to talk about a few things that have happened in our marriage and if any of you might be able to respond and give your opinion, that would be great!
We have been married for almost 7 years. My husband is a wonderful man but it is obvious that he is way to close to his widowed mother and I often feel like second place. His father died when he was only 5 and he is the youngest of 5 children. I believe that she has made him a surrogate partner most of his life and this continues to this day. His sister even admitted to me that when he went away for college and would come back to visit, his mom would get all dolled up, putting on lipstick, excited for his arrival.
My husband was previously engaged about 2 years before I met him. He used to have his own one bedroom apartment near the beach (he didn't live with his fiance). While he was engaged, his mother was having health concerns with her diabetes and was living in another state. He convinced her to come out to California and live with him so he got a 2 bedroom apartment for the two of them. She of course relished it; she would make home cooked meals everyday, do his laundry, would even wake him up in the morning. His relationship with his fiance fell apart shortly afterwards (his mother didn't approve; I'm betting that was the main reason). When I met him, I guess she approved; being the same religion was a huge plus.
She seemed so sweet; a little old lady who loved her children, prayed everyday, etc. The perfect Mother-in-law.
Shortly after we were married, she would have sudden emergencies; the light bulb needed fixing, she needed my husband to pick her up some milk (she doesn't drive), etc. etc. He would go over after work where dinner was waiting then come home to his new wife (me) around 8:30 or 9. This was very hurtful; I feel like I got robbed of a real chance to be a newlywed because she would always make her presence known.
After 1-1/2 years, when we moved an hour away because of a new job position my husband took, suddenly 911 was called for her low sugar levels. Turns out the sugar levels weren't so low because I got a copy of the ambulance report later, but she had milked that one and made my husband feel guilty for moving so far away. Since then we have had several "emergencies" where he has had to get on the freeway late at night to tend to her. He calls her EVERY day, usually 2x and if he forgets to call, you'd think he was the most horrible person alive. When he does call and I can hear her voice, they usually end up arguing about something. He can become moody, irritable, guilt stricken; I think he resents having to meet her emotional needs. I think we need counseling but I'm not sure he would admit to a problem, much less agree to go. It's making me crazy; we also have an autistic son that takes up a lot of time so having her demands on him is especially hard. (by the way, we also financially support her with a little help from his sisters; another thing that's been tough).
Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
Marie
I just found this board tonight and believe that my husband may be a victim of Emotional Incest. I'm not positive but there are plenty of signs that point to it so I'd like to talk about a few things that have happened in our marriage and if any of you might be able to respond and give your opinion, that would be great!
We have been married for almost 7 years. My husband is a wonderful man but it is obvious that he is way to close to his widowed mother and I often feel like second place. His father died when he was only 5 and he is the youngest of 5 children. I believe that she has made him a surrogate partner most of his life and this continues to this day. His sister even admitted to me that when he went away for college and would come back to visit, his mom would get all dolled up, putting on lipstick, excited for his arrival.
My husband was previously engaged about 2 years before I met him. He used to have his own one bedroom apartment near the beach (he didn't live with his fiance). While he was engaged, his mother was having health concerns with her diabetes and was living in another state. He convinced her to come out to California and live with him so he got a 2 bedroom apartment for the two of them. She of course relished it; she would make home cooked meals everyday, do his laundry, would even wake him up in the morning. His relationship with his fiance fell apart shortly afterwards (his mother didn't approve; I'm betting that was the main reason). When I met him, I guess she approved; being the same religion was a huge plus.
She seemed so sweet; a little old lady who loved her children, prayed everyday, etc. The perfect Mother-in-law.
Shortly after we were married, she would have sudden emergencies; the light bulb needed fixing, she needed my husband to pick her up some milk (she doesn't drive), etc. etc. He would go over after work where dinner was waiting then come home to his new wife (me) around 8:30 or 9. This was very hurtful; I feel like I got robbed of a real chance to be a newlywed because she would always make her presence known.
After 1-1/2 years, when we moved an hour away because of a new job position my husband took, suddenly 911 was called for her low sugar levels. Turns out the sugar levels weren't so low because I got a copy of the ambulance report later, but she had milked that one and made my husband feel guilty for moving so far away. Since then we have had several "emergencies" where he has had to get on the freeway late at night to tend to her. He calls her EVERY day, usually 2x and if he forgets to call, you'd think he was the most horrible person alive. When he does call and I can hear her voice, they usually end up arguing about something. He can become moody, irritable, guilt stricken; I think he resents having to meet her emotional needs. I think we need counseling but I'm not sure he would admit to a problem, much less agree to go. It's making me crazy; we also have an autistic son that takes up a lot of time so having her demands on him is especially hard. (by the way, we also financially support her with a little help from his sisters; another thing that's been tough).
Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
Marie