I'm new here and involved with a covert incest survivor. My boyfriend and I were friends for many long years before we became best friends this last year. He couldn't move past the best friends stage. This man is in his mid-50's. He has had no lasting relationship since his 20's. There was no hand-holding or any type of affection was shown to me. We were together all the time but he couldn't admit we were in any type of relationship other than "just friends".
I wondered for a long time why he was single. As we became involved with each other I found out why! His mother, a woman in her 90's, dominated his every waking moment! She was abusive, self-centered, narcissistic and selfish. She hated me from the beginning. She was jealous! She made every effort to interfere with our time together as much as she was able. I got him a copy of the book "When He's Married to Mom". He had started counseling but took the book in to his session and he and his therapist started addressing the issues of being a "Mother Enmeshed Man" (MEM for short). She died recently but the damage remains. My boyfriend is still in counseling and we have recently started couples counseling as well.
I would like to know how other couples cope with healing the damage done by covert incest.
I was glad to find this place. There isn't much out there in the way of resources for partners of MEMs or covert incest survivors.