Post by tammyjohn on May 10, 2013 8:34:20 GMT -8
Hello everyone,
I've been married to my Husband for 12 years. My husband was a truck driver for 8 of those years, it wasn't until he stop being on the road that I realized, something was seriously wrong. I believe being home full time in a family setting was a trigger that brought his family, and past to the surface.
His Mother comes across as the sweetest, most helpful person to ever walk the earth, it's a mask! My Husband had never told me the truth about his childhood or his family, but I began seeing something was not right.
Even though we had been married for years it wasn't until he was home full time that I realized how his family is a closed sorority, with everyone playing a part in the Movie "Perfect Family" for others looking in. I realized I wasn't a part of this family, I was one of the "others" looking in and being SHOWN a Movie.
Now that my Husband is trying to break free, and opening up to me about the family, facing the fact that the family is dysfunctional, the truth of the neglect he suffered is shocking.
My Husband's parents relationship for one that always reminded me of two roommates. With the Mother treating my Husband like "HER" husband, not her son, and his Dad is treated like the person who is suppose to make the Money ONLY, in the Family.
My Husband's grown Sister who they label as "crazy" always would say her Mother is abusive. The Sister is attached to her Father, I no longer have a relationship with her because I tried to set some healthy boundaries with her, but when you set boundaries with this family they all take on the victim role, get angry, defensive, and act as if they have been attacked.
My Husband's Father is not allowed a relationship with my Husband. If my husband calls his Dad to ask a question, (about cars, about fixing something in the home, anything) He MUST talk to his Mother too, if he doesn't ...his Dad will call telling him how hurt his Mother was, and my Husband is suppose to do something to make her Happy!
Finally, My Husband is now taking a closer look at his childhood, He's accepting that his Mother has always used him to fulfill her emotional needs. now he can understand why he always felt responsible for her happiness, if she wasn't happy he felt it was HIS fault, if she was happy it was HIS fault. He thought this was normal, and as a teen tried to stay away from Home as much as he could. and always felt guilty!!! Extreme guilt if he says no to her.
Also, My Husband and his Sister were never taught that are responsible for their actions, (of course not, their Mother doesn't feel she's responsible for her own ) their Mom is the brains in the family, (Mom, Dad, Son, Daughter) She thinks for the whole family, my Husband could NOT form his own opinion!! (he's getting better though) No one is allowed to say no to anything she does, or they will feel her Anger!!
The sister has always fought this, which is why she is labeled as "crazy" by the family, yet some how she is just like the Mother now? something I do not understand. My Husband became the people-pleaser, he's the " Special child"
I'm thankful to have a place I can others to talk to about this, even though my Husband is working through these issues, dealing with an enmeshed, closed family with convert incest....is tough!!!
I've been married to my Husband for 12 years. My husband was a truck driver for 8 of those years, it wasn't until he stop being on the road that I realized, something was seriously wrong. I believe being home full time in a family setting was a trigger that brought his family, and past to the surface.
His Mother comes across as the sweetest, most helpful person to ever walk the earth, it's a mask! My Husband had never told me the truth about his childhood or his family, but I began seeing something was not right.
Even though we had been married for years it wasn't until he was home full time that I realized how his family is a closed sorority, with everyone playing a part in the Movie "Perfect Family" for others looking in. I realized I wasn't a part of this family, I was one of the "others" looking in and being SHOWN a Movie.
Now that my Husband is trying to break free, and opening up to me about the family, facing the fact that the family is dysfunctional, the truth of the neglect he suffered is shocking.
My Husband's parents relationship for one that always reminded me of two roommates. With the Mother treating my Husband like "HER" husband, not her son, and his Dad is treated like the person who is suppose to make the Money ONLY, in the Family.
My Husband's grown Sister who they label as "crazy" always would say her Mother is abusive. The Sister is attached to her Father, I no longer have a relationship with her because I tried to set some healthy boundaries with her, but when you set boundaries with this family they all take on the victim role, get angry, defensive, and act as if they have been attacked.
My Husband's Father is not allowed a relationship with my Husband. If my husband calls his Dad to ask a question, (about cars, about fixing something in the home, anything) He MUST talk to his Mother too, if he doesn't ...his Dad will call telling him how hurt his Mother was, and my Husband is suppose to do something to make her Happy!
Finally, My Husband is now taking a closer look at his childhood, He's accepting that his Mother has always used him to fulfill her emotional needs. now he can understand why he always felt responsible for her happiness, if she wasn't happy he felt it was HIS fault, if she was happy it was HIS fault. He thought this was normal, and as a teen tried to stay away from Home as much as he could. and always felt guilty!!! Extreme guilt if he says no to her.
Also, My Husband and his Sister were never taught that are responsible for their actions, (of course not, their Mother doesn't feel she's responsible for her own ) their Mom is the brains in the family, (Mom, Dad, Son, Daughter) She thinks for the whole family, my Husband could NOT form his own opinion!! (he's getting better though) No one is allowed to say no to anything she does, or they will feel her Anger!!
The sister has always fought this, which is why she is labeled as "crazy" by the family, yet some how she is just like the Mother now? something I do not understand. My Husband became the people-pleaser, he's the " Special child"
I'm thankful to have a place I can others to talk to about this, even though my Husband is working through these issues, dealing with an enmeshed, closed family with convert incest....is tough!!!
