New relationship - what should I do? ???

[kamuk]

I've known my boyfriend for almost two years but we got together about 3 months ago. We got to know each other as friends before anything romantic happened. He's about ten years older than me.

Things were fantastic at first. He really swept me off my feet - surprised me by saying that he wanted to marry me within the first week. He was very romantic and wanted to talk to me all the time, sending romantic messages, phoning and seeing me constantly.

He has always lived with his mum. His relationship with his mother took on more and more significance - he wouldn't stay a whole night with me in case she found out (she has "traditional values", apparently), he was very, very worried about introducing me to her in case she was nasty to me, he isn't happy about spending time with me at the weekend in case she finds out (unless she is there), he won't have closed doors in the house he shares with her while I'm there.

He stopped being romantic very suddenly about a month ago. Now he only sends me a message once a day and he is reluctant to talk on the phone. I'm not sure why - he won't talk about it. One good thing is that his mother is moving away in the next month or so. Should I wait and see what happens or just cut my losses?

[brigittassen]

It really depends. My husband was Mother enmeshed until just a few months ago- the thing is, he actually wanted to change. Try When He's Married to Mom- unsure of the author. Her moving away might free him up considerably, but her disapproval will always be in his head. He will have to decide, and until he does, it's gonna be a bumpy road.

As great as it was in the beginning, his romanticism might be tied to his relationship with his mom- being extra considerate and sweet and placating because that's what he was taught, not out a healthy teaching, but out of a controlling one. ( I am so guessing here.)

So it really is up to you. Do you want to be involved with that kinnd of work? and will it be worth it? It is for me and my husband- because once he decided, he set to work changing the unhealthy aspects of our relationship and his and his mother's relationship. Of course, she hates me for it. :-P ha ha.