Post by brokenheart001 on Aug 6, 2009 7:35:22 GMT -8
Hello Everyone,
I am new here and I feel I am lucky to find such a forum.
I just recently broke up with a man who I had been in a relationship with for a year. We fell for each other pretty quickly and had tremendously strong feelings. We spoke of marriage, kids, family, everything. I felt I had found the man of man dreams and I was/am madly in love with him. Until he broke up with me a week before we were to move in together.
Throughout the entire relationship, I felt very uncomfortable about the relationship he had with his aunt. I choose to refrain from the topic many times because he was so sensitive and overprotective of his aunt (who he considers his mother). The times I did choose to open up, it was a complete nightmare. Here goes....
After dating for a month and a half, my ex took me on a caribean vacation. I was so excited. Unfortunately, during this week vacation his aunt called 4-5 times a day with "emergency needs". We bearly got to spend anytime together. She called saying her fridge went out and she needed him to place an order for a new one online. They spent four hours on best buy's site shopping for a new fridge - only to be dissatisfied and call back the next day to search another site for just as long. I sat in the corner of the hotel room alone. After trying to suggest we go eat dinner - he yelled at me because I was disrespecting his aunt. During this same vacation, her car broke down. She had a BMW that needed to be replaced. After he asked if it could wait for him to get back into town, because she did have a second luxury car sitting in the driveway. She barked at him for dismissing her in her time of need. So he turned cold on me, and spent the rest of the vacation arguing with me.
I broke up with him because of the horrible time I had on the vacation and I took him back after he pleaded and apologized for about four days.
The aunt for some reason would disrespect me and ignore me like I was invisible - and he would say nothing. I choose to ignore it. I figured I was in a relationship with him not her. He invited me over to his family's house for thanksgiving and everyone was so nice and warm except for her. She refused to drink any of the champagne I brought because it was "cheap". He had asked me to create a piece of artwork for him that he wanted to give her for Christmas. I created it and everyone loved it except for her. She had no problems openly saying that she hated it in front of everyone. I was so hurt. All he did was make excuses and false justifications for her actions.
One night, he asked me to spend a few days with him at his place after his aunt left his place. After a longs days work and traveling from out of town, I arrived at his place at midnight. The security guard recognized me and let me up without announcing my arrival. I knocked on the door and no one answered. I knocked again and I hear russling and rapid movement. He looked through the peep hole and asked me to wait a sec. I was left out in the hall for at least two - three minutes. He then opened the door. He was standing there only in his white briefs and a dumbfounded look on his face. He asked me why didn't I call upon my arrival and invited me in. I walked in and looked to my right and his aunt was walking out of the bathroom with boy shorts on and a half shirt lace nighty. She was adjusting her top and fixing her hair. She refused to acknowledge me and didn't even look at me. He got really angry and call the security desk and threatened to get the guard fired if he were to let me up again without notification.
We got into a huge fight that night and I expressed how I felt. He called me crazy and sick for even thinking such a thing. Every time this lady was around, she would never let me do anything for him because "she wanted to do things her way", He would get naked and dressed in front of her, they touch and rub each other passionately in public like lovers (constantly giving each other pecks and rubbing), they would talk openly about sex and boyfriends. He admitted to me that she would confide in him and talk about her sexual encounters and that he would tell her about how he and I had sex detail by detail. Our incredible sex life went downhill, when he told me that he did not want to bring me to orgasm because he was afraid that he aunt would smell the sex in the air and because she was the one who washed his sheets and cleaned his house. Needless to say for the remainder of the relationship, I mentally blocked myself from being pleased every time I remembered what he'd said to me.
At the end of the relationship, she came over to his house and again ignored me. I expressed my concern and for the first time he told me that he did/does notice how she obviously disrespects me and he will take care of it by talking to her. I felt happy because for the first time, he sided with me and offered to do something about it. I went home to give them a chance to talk about it. It didn't go as planned.
She went to the bathroom and found used condoms and a pregnancy test in the trash. She FREAKED!!! She started asking what is going to happen to her. She started crying. She started explaining about how he needed to take care of her and his immediate family before he could even think about having children. She told him that he was going to ruin his life fooling around with me. Mind you he is THIRTY YEARS OLD. All of a sudden, he blamed me for leaving the box in the bathroom trash and leaving the house in the middle of the night and dumping it in the hallway incinerator. In his mind, I had done this on purpose.
We tried to get passed this episode but it put such a strain on the relationship. I tried so hard. I didn't know how to respond after he told me that he felt that I was jealous of his aunt. He said this just before saying that the past two girlfriends he had were also jealous of her as well. And that he needed everyone to get along and he ideally wanted to marry someone who was just like her. After we broke up he admitted to me that his aunt felt like he was "choosing me over her" and that he had to make a choice. When I questioned his actions and logic, he cussed me out because "how dare I put myself on the same level as her". According to him, "How dare I compare myself to his aunt who is like a mom".
To put the icing on the cake, this is his maternal aunt who is only about 10-15 years older than him!!! On one day he confided in me and told me he was sexually abused as a young child by his "babysitter". At another point in time, he told me that the person who took care of him as a child was his aunt - not realizing that I connected the two together from different conversations we'd had. He made me swear not to mention anything to anybody because he could not bear his real mother (her sister) blaming herself for the incest. The mother has no idea that this is going on because she lives out of state. The mother does sense that something is odd, because her relationship with her sister is strained because she feels that her son has replaced her with his aunt. I can't say for sure but my gut feeling and all the signs pointed towards them having a sexual relationship as well. This eats me up inside everyday.
While his biological mother has to jump through hoops to get his attention, he has brought his aunt a house in L.I., paid for her college education, pays the car note for two luxury cars for her, pays for both of them to go on vacation together every two-three months, invites her out to hang out with him and his friends, pays hundreds of dollars for a weekly beauty and spa regimen for her. This lady doesn't even have a job and he has been completely 100% supporting her. If his bio mom asks for anything he gives her a loan, makes her sign a contract and charges her interest on the original amount.
I am counting my blessing now that I am out of the relationship and can see things in hindsight. But I still somehow can't understand why I still feel love for him. I am going through such an emotional roll coaster because I had gotten caught in the middle of their sick relationship. To this day people we had met still think that she was his girlfriend and not a family member. I can only think of a hand full of times where we spent time alone without her.
I feel betrayed, used, abandoned and sick to my stomach.
I'm sorry this is so long.... I just had to vent. I have not express what has happen in the past year to anyone and I have been internalizing this and bottling it up inside.
I am new here and I feel I am lucky to find such a forum.
I just recently broke up with a man who I had been in a relationship with for a year. We fell for each other pretty quickly and had tremendously strong feelings. We spoke of marriage, kids, family, everything. I felt I had found the man of man dreams and I was/am madly in love with him. Until he broke up with me a week before we were to move in together.
Throughout the entire relationship, I felt very uncomfortable about the relationship he had with his aunt. I choose to refrain from the topic many times because he was so sensitive and overprotective of his aunt (who he considers his mother). The times I did choose to open up, it was a complete nightmare. Here goes....
After dating for a month and a half, my ex took me on a caribean vacation. I was so excited. Unfortunately, during this week vacation his aunt called 4-5 times a day with "emergency needs". We bearly got to spend anytime together. She called saying her fridge went out and she needed him to place an order for a new one online. They spent four hours on best buy's site shopping for a new fridge - only to be dissatisfied and call back the next day to search another site for just as long. I sat in the corner of the hotel room alone. After trying to suggest we go eat dinner - he yelled at me because I was disrespecting his aunt. During this same vacation, her car broke down. She had a BMW that needed to be replaced. After he asked if it could wait for him to get back into town, because she did have a second luxury car sitting in the driveway. She barked at him for dismissing her in her time of need. So he turned cold on me, and spent the rest of the vacation arguing with me.
I broke up with him because of the horrible time I had on the vacation and I took him back after he pleaded and apologized for about four days.
The aunt for some reason would disrespect me and ignore me like I was invisible - and he would say nothing. I choose to ignore it. I figured I was in a relationship with him not her. He invited me over to his family's house for thanksgiving and everyone was so nice and warm except for her. She refused to drink any of the champagne I brought because it was "cheap". He had asked me to create a piece of artwork for him that he wanted to give her for Christmas. I created it and everyone loved it except for her. She had no problems openly saying that she hated it in front of everyone. I was so hurt. All he did was make excuses and false justifications for her actions.
One night, he asked me to spend a few days with him at his place after his aunt left his place. After a longs days work and traveling from out of town, I arrived at his place at midnight. The security guard recognized me and let me up without announcing my arrival. I knocked on the door and no one answered. I knocked again and I hear russling and rapid movement. He looked through the peep hole and asked me to wait a sec. I was left out in the hall for at least two - three minutes. He then opened the door. He was standing there only in his white briefs and a dumbfounded look on his face. He asked me why didn't I call upon my arrival and invited me in. I walked in and looked to my right and his aunt was walking out of the bathroom with boy shorts on and a half shirt lace nighty. She was adjusting her top and fixing her hair. She refused to acknowledge me and didn't even look at me. He got really angry and call the security desk and threatened to get the guard fired if he were to let me up again without notification.
We got into a huge fight that night and I expressed how I felt. He called me crazy and sick for even thinking such a thing. Every time this lady was around, she would never let me do anything for him because "she wanted to do things her way", He would get naked and dressed in front of her, they touch and rub each other passionately in public like lovers (constantly giving each other pecks and rubbing), they would talk openly about sex and boyfriends. He admitted to me that she would confide in him and talk about her sexual encounters and that he would tell her about how he and I had sex detail by detail. Our incredible sex life went downhill, when he told me that he did not want to bring me to orgasm because he was afraid that he aunt would smell the sex in the air and because she was the one who washed his sheets and cleaned his house. Needless to say for the remainder of the relationship, I mentally blocked myself from being pleased every time I remembered what he'd said to me.
At the end of the relationship, she came over to his house and again ignored me. I expressed my concern and for the first time he told me that he did/does notice how she obviously disrespects me and he will take care of it by talking to her. I felt happy because for the first time, he sided with me and offered to do something about it. I went home to give them a chance to talk about it. It didn't go as planned.
She went to the bathroom and found used condoms and a pregnancy test in the trash. She FREAKED!!! She started asking what is going to happen to her. She started crying. She started explaining about how he needed to take care of her and his immediate family before he could even think about having children. She told him that he was going to ruin his life fooling around with me. Mind you he is THIRTY YEARS OLD. All of a sudden, he blamed me for leaving the box in the bathroom trash and leaving the house in the middle of the night and dumping it in the hallway incinerator. In his mind, I had done this on purpose.
We tried to get passed this episode but it put such a strain on the relationship. I tried so hard. I didn't know how to respond after he told me that he felt that I was jealous of his aunt. He said this just before saying that the past two girlfriends he had were also jealous of her as well. And that he needed everyone to get along and he ideally wanted to marry someone who was just like her. After we broke up he admitted to me that his aunt felt like he was "choosing me over her" and that he had to make a choice. When I questioned his actions and logic, he cussed me out because "how dare I put myself on the same level as her". According to him, "How dare I compare myself to his aunt who is like a mom".
To put the icing on the cake, this is his maternal aunt who is only about 10-15 years older than him!!! On one day he confided in me and told me he was sexually abused as a young child by his "babysitter". At another point in time, he told me that the person who took care of him as a child was his aunt - not realizing that I connected the two together from different conversations we'd had. He made me swear not to mention anything to anybody because he could not bear his real mother (her sister) blaming herself for the incest. The mother has no idea that this is going on because she lives out of state. The mother does sense that something is odd, because her relationship with her sister is strained because she feels that her son has replaced her with his aunt. I can't say for sure but my gut feeling and all the signs pointed towards them having a sexual relationship as well. This eats me up inside everyday.
While his biological mother has to jump through hoops to get his attention, he has brought his aunt a house in L.I., paid for her college education, pays the car note for two luxury cars for her, pays for both of them to go on vacation together every two-three months, invites her out to hang out with him and his friends, pays hundreds of dollars for a weekly beauty and spa regimen for her. This lady doesn't even have a job and he has been completely 100% supporting her. If his bio mom asks for anything he gives her a loan, makes her sign a contract and charges her interest on the original amount.
I am counting my blessing now that I am out of the relationship and can see things in hindsight. But I still somehow can't understand why I still feel love for him. I am going through such an emotional roll coaster because I had gotten caught in the middle of their sick relationship. To this day people we had met still think that she was his girlfriend and not a family member. I can only think of a hand full of times where we spent time alone without her.
I feel betrayed, used, abandoned and sick to my stomach.
I'm sorry this is so long.... I just had to vent. I have not express what has happen in the past year to anyone and I have been internalizing this and bottling it up inside.